I haven't written here in quite awhile.

But I feel as if I need to.

A very close friend of mine passed away Monday morning from suicide.  Her friend and her intentionally crashed into a pole and she died on impact, from what I've heard.  He is in critical condition at a hospital nearby.  Almost every bone in his body is broken, including his entire face.
This friend of mine was Rachel Bradshaw.  We had known each other since sixth grade.  We had been through thick and thin (mostly thick, if that's the bad one) but we remained friends because of how much we truly loved each other.  Rachel was always a kind person.  She was very forgiving.  She never judged anyone for mistakes they made, because she knew know one was perfect.  Rachel nurtured people.  She always felt the need to take care of people who were hurt or in pain emotionally.  She never wanted to be rich or to have a career or to be famous.  The truth is all she wanted was to be a mother.  For years, she believed she wasn't able to have a child.  And then. when she finally became pregnant, she lost the baby.  Soon after, she lost the one person she could see any sort of future with.  While she had always struggled with depression, it became much more prominent after his death. 
We drifted apart after.  Somehow, I just knew that one day we'd become close again.  However, now I can only wish that I had talked to her and seen her more.  I'm not sure if it's useless to wish those things, but it's all I can do.
Rachel...I need you to know that my life will always be affected by you.  By your life and by your death.  There will never come a time when you don't mean anything to me.  You were my best friend for years and I love you.  I know you're in a better place now...with Jared and your child.  But here on earth, people are missing you.  We'll always miss you.  I'm still your starfish and you will forever be my seahorse.  As we used to say, I hate you, Rachel.  I wonder if you'll ever know how much.

Eeeek.

Go to my entry a year ago yesterday.
I was one depressed gally.

Thank GOSH that that is all in the past now.  Is it strange that when I think about the time I was with him, it honestly seems like it was a dream?  I mean, did that ACTUALLY happen?  I saw a picture of him today on Lee's Facebook and I automatically thought, "It's like he's a stranger, someone I've never met before."  Maybe it's just me, but it seems so long ago.  Who am I kidding?  It was so long ago. 

By the way, I love Voldy.  Darn.

Sweet disposition,
never too soon.
Oh, reckless abandon
like no one's
watching you.

A moment, a love,
a dream aloud,
a kiss, a cry
our rights, our wrongs.
A moment, a love,
a dream aloud.
A moment, a love,
a dream aloud.

So, stay there,
'cause I'll be comin' over.
And while our blood's still young,
it's so young,
it runs.
And we won't stop till it's over;
won't stop to surrender.

Songs
of desperation.
I
played them for you.
A moment, a love,
a dream aloud,
a kiss, a cry,
our rights, our wrongs.
A moment, a love,
a dream aloud.
A moment, a love,
a dream aloud.

Is it possible...?

Do I actually enjoy my classes this year?  Do I enjoy spending my time learning about Ultima Online, public speaking and minstrel shows?  Well, the answer to the second (or well, I guess the third) question is a definite yes.  I don't want to be too hasty.  Today was only the second day of school.  So far, I'm fabulously content!  The little trolley (for us cripples) has to take me to my music class, which is kind of lame.  HA!  No pun intended.  Oh snaps.  Anyway, I'll probably add/finish this a little later.  I love life!

Rejected.

Dear John,

First, I would like to formally apologize for the copious amount of time since you have submitted your request.

I regret to inform you that you have not been selected to further enjoy my spectacular company. It is a shame, yes, and frankly, you are not alone in this. Support groups meet every Thursday from 6 to 8 PM downtown in the office buildings at 4th and Main. Refreshments are served.

I would like to thoroughly offer my sincerest best wishes for your future dating endeavors. However, at this time, and probably for the rest of time, I must refuse any further invitations to spend time with you.

Never Yours,

Ima B. Outahere

PS: You actually kinda creep me out... a lot.